Utah

Well, I'm back from Utah. I ran into some people I knew at BYU. I saw the Dorseys a million times at BYU, I saw Christy Shields at the BYU bookstore, and I saw Christina Padilla on my last night there. I saw her roaming around outside Deseret Towers trying to find Heritage Halls. She was totally going the wrong way.

It felt so weird leaving BYU. I felt like I was leaving my home and that when I'd get back home to Manassas everything would be different and nothing will ever be the same again. I would really like to go there, but I can't until I get my associates degree. The president of BYU even told me that over half of the people that graduate at BYU with honors, had an assaociates degree first. I know it seems cliched that all mormons go to BYU, but it just felt so good being with mormons my age; where everyone has the same beliefs that I do. I really liked it. I can't wait to go. The only people like that here are the people in the singles ward, but there still aren't many people my age in that ward. Basically the only person that I can think of that is my age in that ward is Dan, but he'll probably be leaving on a mission soon. Everyone's leaving for college. All of my friends that I grew up with in school are leaving and I'm staying here where I'll be going to Nova for a couple of years and the only people I'll be able to hang out with will be people who are a year or more younger than me in the church, a year or more older than me in the church, or people my age not in the church. Everything totally just hit me all at once when we left Utah. Nothing will be the same ever again and I'm just gonna have to make do because that's the way it will be for the rest of my life. Life is full of changes.

Anyways, while I was in Utah, at the hotel waiting for my Granny and Grandpa and cousin Johnathan to arrive, I found myself sitting on the bed with my cell phone in my hands staring at Matt's number. Then all of sudden out of the blue I was pushing send. I don't know what came over me, but I did know that Matt and I needed to talk at some point, but I didn't think it was gonna be right then. Well, we talked, but not about his lies. I don't know why, but I just couldn't do it. Instead we just talked and caught up. I told him about Gabe and how we broke up after one month and Matt made it sound as though it was a good thing that we broke up or something so I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because it's Gabe." And I said, "So..." I didn't understand that. Anyways, he told me he had a girlfriend and I asked him about her and he told me that she's amazing. I don't know, but I guess that kind of struck a nerve or something, but we had a pretty nice conversation. After we hung up, though, all of my emotions just started coming to me gradually. I felt angry and upset all at the same time. I felt so mad that I wanted to strangle him. And I actually was able to crack all of my knuckles at once. I am never able to do that. I've tried before. But right then it was so easy. I was really angry. I felt like I was ready to have it out with him. Then I just started crying; crying with anger. But then I realized that my grandparents were coming so I wiped my tears and tried to calm down. When they got here I was still pretty mad, but I put a smile on my face and after a little while I totally forgot about Matt.

Later I tried to call him back. He had told me to call him, but he didn't answer. He ended up calling me back when we were leaving Utah and I was in the car with my aunt and uncle. That's when we had the talk about his lies. And, of course, he just fed me more lies telling me that he didn't lie and trying to explain. That didn't work. There is no way he was telling the truth. See, here's what he had lied about. He had told me that he didn't call me because he had lost his phone charger so his phone went dead and when he got it back he saw that he had some missed calls from me. That can't be possible. If a phone is dead or turned off it can't get missed calls. Phones that are turned off or dead can't access that kind of information. Plus, when I had called him while his phone was supposedly dead, it rang. When phones are dead or turned off it always goes straight to the answering machine. That's how all phones work. Well, at least that's how verizon phones work and his phone is verizon. So that was definitely a lie. Before we hung up I told him that my phone was dying so I needed to go. I told him that I'd talk to him later and he said, "Maybe." ::scoffs:: When I hung up, Uncle Craig told me that he agrees with me and thinks that he's lying because as far as he's concerned that's how all phones work. Good, that's another person on my side. Well, I tried to call Matt back, but he wouldn't answer, so finally I text messaged him and told him to not avoid me, that I want to be friends and I hate this fighting. I just want him to be honest with me because we can't be friends if we're not honest with each other. Friendships are built on trust; any relationship is built on trust. And I can't trust someone who lies to me. How do I know when he's lying or not. Well, he ended up calling me back at 1:30 in the morning that Sunday morning. I asked him what time it was and he said, "Oh, were you sleeping." I said, "Yeah." That's usually what I'm doing at 1:30 in the morning. He told me that he just wanted to let me know that he wasn't avoiding me then he let get back to my sleeping.

The vacation was fun. I got to see six temples which include the Nauvoo temple, the Winter Quarters Nebraska temple, the Salt Lake temple, the Mt. Timpinogus temple, the Provo temple, and the Columbus Ohio temple. I swear I saw the three Utah temples in one half hour (and many churches on the way). I better go.

~Captain Hair~